We both can be houses labeled “for sale", but rented to one another”

 

 Life is sometime hard on us, not because it treats us in a different way but it forces us to drift apart from our destiny. There is no existing individual whom I could love, care or spend my leisure time with.

Probably, sometimes love is verified not by the physical love or presence but to let it go and sustain their new life. This is the theology, which we have inherited from the books and literature and from the real life as well. However, what about our feelings? Is the love was only our perspective or you loved someone to just spare your time and leave them alone.

 

Hiee my name is Susan, I am 18 with curly long hairs and a complexion that normally people regard as brown but the darkest spot is I am a lesbian. I know how hard is to accept but what? I cannot eventually die because I am slightly different from you people. I write this journal daily, as I don’t know which day will bring a happy end to this painful life. It may be a little awkward to disclose but yes, I am also looking for a person whom I could really love. This world is overloaded with millions of people though we continue to choose wrong ones, or we are destined to meet -- love--fall for each other-- and drift apart. I don’t know is it same with everyone or I am the one, who owns a fate which god inscribed with torture and heartbreaks. Its not at all about love, but how people fakes to love someone at one moments and they just leave at the next or maybe we usually misinterpret love and sought it to be a forever kind of thing.  

I was always  cheerful and a loving person until I didn’t faced the criticism and hatred from my own people. Isn’t it strange that a person suffers  so much, though its not their fault.  My world transmogrified when I saw ‘her’ (disclosing her name would be intruding into her privacy, sometimes I feel ashamed how we used to love and chill and now we are complete strangers...) 

 Meeting someone – love – falling for each other – and drifting apart ,it is the chronology of my life which is never ending. Though I wasn’t aware of drifting away, as I was a person who usually titled infatuations as love.  I know I am stupid enough to get easily used by someone and approx 4 girl and 2 boys already used me for their needs. Mmm.. what? We also have right to flaunt our affairs. However, my life went upside down when she left me alone, she shattered all my dreams so easily. We never disclosed that we were in relationship as she was straight but she loved me, she told me this thousand of times and I always believed her. I somehow obliterated that  we should only believe on actions because they are the true reflection of someone’s care and love. I can’t deny that she didn’t love and care about me because she did. Then why she was forced to love someone else and more importantly a boy, whatever the reason may be, I am just empty, I am done with everything and I still love her. I don’t have words left to write more dear dairy.  Why she left when she loved me? Is it true, “the harder you love harder you fall?” or I am so easy to be overlooked? Whatever the reasons, her parting words still gives me hope as I am ready get touched but not really, I am ready to fall again in love but not fully because we both are aware we can’t forget each other, still we try to remain apart may be she for someone and I for her.  She was leaving and I was standing alone, it was clear everything was over but lastly she covered me in her arms and whispered, “We both can be houses labeled “for sale", but rented to one another”